Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance
by RosesandThorns666
Summary: AU. When Dean doesn't want Castiel anymore, it completely breaks the younger man's heart, and when Dean realises that Castiel is the one he truly wants, is it too late? Please R&R! Rated M for language and content.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **AU. When Dean doesn't want Castiel anymore, it completely breaks the younger man's heart, and when Dean realises that Castiel is the one he truly wants, is it too late? Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **I know people say not to write personal experiences into stories, but I think this is the only way I'm gonna get through this and express my feelings properly. I've just ended a relationship like this tonight (6/8/11) and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because I love the guy to death. I want to get over it and this is one of the only ways I think I can, since I'm in such a state I can barely breathe from crying so much.

Hope you enjoy.

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><p><strong>Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance<strong>

**-One- **

Castiel knew that he was in it for more than he was getting.

They'd arranged it as being just physical. Just sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

But Castiel wanted more. Of course he did. He'd been in a relationship with Dean Winchester three years before and it hadn't worked out, and they'd tried several times and again it hadn't worked out. Dean wasn't so good with comforting and with his feelings, and he couldn't prove himself to be there when Castiel had needed him the most, and boy, had he needed Dean.

The physical thing seemed to be working. To Castiel's parents, they were a couple, and Castiel's parents thought that Dean's parents knew, but John and Mary had no idea what was going on between Castiel and their son. Dean would sneak Castiel up to his room in the attic, they'd watch a movie, make out, and only recently had Castiel been confident enough to show his bare, naked form to Dean.

Castiel Novak wasn't confident with his body at all. He had a few scars he wasn't proud of and he was scared of being told he was ugly. Dean never really paid him any compliments or showed that much affection towards him but he was happy in their arrangement. They were getting closer and closer to actually having sex.

But now...

Now Castiel was staring at his cell phone in disbelief. He thought that Dean had been avoiding him and he asked, 'Do you want to see me anymore?'.

Dean had replied with, 'I don't know.'

Castiel cried. He, honest to God, sat there and cried. He loved Dean, for the fuck's sake. He loved him, and Dean knew that he was loved by Castiel, but all Castiel saw was that Dean had used him to get sex and to get laid, and that he'd had enough and that it wasn't good enough anymore.

So Castiel ended it.

He ended it and fuck, did it hurt to end it. But their relationship was so messed up that people had constantly said from the beginning, 'He's just gonna hurt you, Cas'. 'Just...Just be careful. Please, Cas.', 'He's not worth it, Cas, just get rid of him.' Holy shit, if Castiel turned round to half those people and told them to just get rid of their boyfriend or girlfriend, he knew not one of them could do it because they loved that person. It was just the same for him.

He felt tormented inside, completely ruined because of three words. He thought he meant something to Dean, that he mattered to Dean. He thought that by some miracle, Dean had endured some kind of epiphany and discovered some feelings for Castiel. They were both eighteen, consenting adults, and since their relationship at fifteen, Castiel thought that Dean had changed.

Good God, how wrong he'd been.

He sat in the bedroom he shared with his twin brother Jimmy, who was downstairs being smothered by his girlfriend Amelia, and he cried alone, tired and fed up of everything and everyone. His mother had seen him in tears, so she knew that he and Dean were over. That was hard enough, and it got to ten-forty-five in the evening and he heard Jimmy calling their dog, Buster, into the backyard for a pee before they let him get in the basket he had in the living room. Amelia was going to sleep on the couch and Jimmy, obviously, would go up to his room. And Castiel quickly checked in the mirror to make sure he didn't look like he'd been crying before Jimmy came up, because Jimmy wouldn't let it lie, and then Castiel would cry again. He was sick of crying over Dean Winchester.

They'd been seeing each other for three months casually and nothing had entered them into a relationship, and Castiel had prayed that from the physical, the emotional would follow, but Dean remained as emotionally constipated as ever and usually ignored Castiel's messages. Castiel knew deep down that the other boy would be celebrating. Thank God they'd left school. Castiel wouldn't have to face him in the same corridor. But the next day, he had his baby cousin, Anna's christening and he had to put on a brave face.

How hard was it going to be if somebody asked him, 'Now that Jimmy's found a girl, have you found a guy yet?'? He'd have to hear his mother whisper to people, 'Really, please don't ask him about partners, he broke up with his boyfriend last night.'. He wanted to focus on Anna so much because he loved her like crazy, but...But...Dean! Dean fucking Winchester was imprinted in his head and Castiel deep within him kind of hoped and prayed Dean would crawl back to him, because he wanted Dean to realise that what they had, and what Castiel was prepared to give to him wasn't a game and something to mess around with.

Trusting the person you love to take your virginity and knowing that they don't love you back had to be the toughest thing, Castiel thought. Having to lie there underneath Dean who kissed him, looked at him and held him like he loved him more than his own life was so damn difficult, but Castiel liked the contact and the closeness, and he liked making out with Dean. He liked sucking him off and jerking him off. He liked that being reciprocated. He liked falling asleep in Dean's bed in his arms and knowing that he'd wake up in the same place. But over and over again it played in his head.

It was only physical.

-TBC-

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed.<strong>

**Thanks for reading so far.**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **AU. When Dean doesn't want Castiel anymore, it completely breaks the younger man's heart, and when Dean realises that Castiel is the one he truly wants, is it too late? Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Thanks for the support with the last chapter. The events following this chapter are nothing like what has happened since me and my guy broke up apart from what Castiel's friends say and the effect the break up has on him. I made the choice, but I'm still suffering and I don't think the guy cares, but in this story, Dean really does care and he does really want Castiel.

Hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance<strong>

**-Two- **

The following day would hopefully be much easier. But already, Castiel had cried twice, and it was only nine-thirty. The family was leaving for the christening and poor Castiel had to endure Jimmy and Amelia's soppy, lovey-doveyness all the way to the church. Thank God he was sitting with his father.

His father always managed to make him laugh, and in a church of all places. They saw Anna outside the church and she looked beautiful, all happy and smiley as she often was, and she was so well behaved too. The ceremony took a bit of a dark turn when the priest began to talk about the trials that she would face in her life, and he went on about how we all may have worries, maybe financial worries, worries in a relationship, but how Jesus would be there. No. Jesus wasn't there, and hadn't been for Castiel.

He felt his dad grab his hand and squeeze it tightly, and he held onto it on return and bowed his head.

"You okay?" His dad whispered.

Castiel simply nodded and looked to Anna who was smiling over her father's shoulder. He smiled back and she snuggled up to her daddy, and Castiel couldn't wait to cuddle her later. He always felt better for cuddling her. She really brightened his life up and he wished that he could see her more often.

After the service, the family headed to a local hall where the after party was being held and Castiel sat beside Jimmy and Amelia while trying to keep his brave face as strong as he could. Dean was constantly on his mind and his cell phone was flooded with texts from his friends making sure he was okay. He really wasn't. And while everyone around his was relieved and proud of him for his decision, he was regretting it because of how much he loved and missed Dean.

"Castiel?"

He looked up to see Rachel, Anna's closest cousin, holding Anna and he smiled, taking the baby into his arms and bouncing her a little.

"Now then, gorgeous..." He breathed, "Who looks beautiful, huh?"

The baby squealed and wrapped her little arms around his neck, and he rubbed her back and pressed little kisses to her cheek. She made happy little noises in his ear and he held her close, bouncing her and blowing raspberries on her tiny hand.

"You were so good in there, Anna." He told her, "You were such a good girl!"

The baby grinned and pressed her head to his, Castiel peppering her faces with kisses as he passed her back to Rachel. The baby squeaked and reached for him again but he kissed her hands and blew raspberries on them before taking his seat again. The day was getting really hard for him, especially when people were fussing over Jimmy and Amelia's engagement. It had been a year, people should've gotten over it. Then he heard his mother.

"Please try and refrain from asking Castiel about relationships." She whispered, "He's just split with his boyfriend. He's heartbroken."

He got up, feeling her hand on his.

"Where are you off to, honey?" She asked, Castiel nodding his head towards the end of the hall.

"Bathroom."

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><p>On the way back in the cab, Castiel sat in the very back alone, in silent tears. He saw everyone turn to look at him and he pretended not to notice, but God, did that make his blood boil. It wasn't the first time Dean had broken his heart so why were they all trying to baby him? Everyone was right. He shouldn't have given Dean another chance. But he loved him so much, he thought he'd grown up in the three years they'd been apart. He'd been so wrong. So stupidly wrong.<p>

He sat deep in thought as he got home, wondering what was going through Dean's head at this point. He was so ready to give himself to the older boy and he was so comfortable with that, but Dean had made a comment about his body which had made him feel ugly. He didn't want to repeat it to anybody. It embarrassed him and Dean had to scroll back through his Facebook messages to find out what he'd said to upset him. People just said he wasn't worth it and that it was wrong that he'd upset him, but Castiel hurt more by people's cruel words about Dean.

Dean hadn't even contacted him, which made him feel even worse.

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><p>Castiel lay awake in his room. Jimmy and Amelia had already gone to Amelia's home in the next town, and he was alone in his room. He checked his phone seeing no messages from Dean and he lay there for as long as he could before he fell asleep with the phone in his hand.<p>

All night, up and down. He just couldn't settle, and he was getting so tired since he'd not slept the night before. Dean was probably having no trouble sleeping, but knowing him, he'd come up with some excuse as to why he didn't answer Castiel's texts and he always accused Castiel of being too attached, which was right in a way. Castiel loved him, he was very attached to him, but given their situation, he wasn't. It was just sex.

He didn't know if he'd find another, if he'd get back together with Dean, if his feelings for Dean would ever leave him, but he knew that Dean had installed another fear in him. He was scared to trust another man. He was frightened to take off his clothes in front of another man because he was scared that another comment would be made. Dean knew how sensitive he was about his body and he still felt that it was okay to make a comment which had actually upset Castiel enough to make him cry.

Did Dean feel guilty? Did he feel a sense of loss? Did he want Castiel back? The younger boy didn't know. Dean hadn't said a word to him since Saturday. He didn't care after all.

And after just three hours of sleep, Castiel trudged downstairs the next morning at nine-fifteen. He never got up that late. His father sat in the living room, smiling softly at him as he sat on the couch and started up his laptop. He needed friends around him desperately.

"Morning, Cas." His dad said quietly, Dean's voice floating into Castiel's head at the nickname, "How do you feel this morning?"

Castiel just looked to his hands and sighed as the tears threatened to overspill from his eyes again, and his father moved to sit beside him, holding him close as the sobs began to wrack his body.

"There, there, now." He said softly, "Things will get better. I promise. It might take time, and I know you're upset, but if I'm honest, Dean wasn't worth it. He treated you awfully and you deserve better."

Castiel tried to get that into his head. He deserved better.

Did he?

-TBC-

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed!<strong>

**Thanks for reading so far!**

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><strong>


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